Word of the Week: Mutually Assured Distraction — The practice of distracting others in a manner assuring that neither party gets any work done.

Not that we would know anything about that around here, right?

Okay, I admit it, today’s post is a bit of Spring cleaning here in The Dungeon.  Darling Laura has sent me so many great hockey & KNOCK ME FOR A LOOP-related funnies that I just have not had a chance to post, so I gathered them up & have decided to share them all today in one fell swoop.

Enjoy!

Word of the Week: hockey hair — long , untamed hair—often a mullet—usually capped with a hat, with wings of hair flowing and curling out from under it.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the great sport of ice hockey, Mistress Heidi & I thought we would share some hockey terms that sound dirty…but aren’t.

Or, well…yeah, this is hockey, so sometimes they actually are.

Biscuit in the Basket (The puck hitting the back of the net on a goal.)

Breakout (The play used by the attacking team to move the puck out of its own zone and up the ice toward the opponent’s goal.)

Butt-ending (Using the shaft of the stick to jab or attempt to jab an opposing player. Known in Quebec as “donner six pouces” (to give six inches).)

Change on the fly (To charge the forward line while play is going on.)

Cherry Picking (When a player, generally a forward, hangs out behind the play waiting for a outlet pass so that he can have a breakaway.)

Five-hole (The area in the opening between a goalie’s leg pads.)

Grinder (A type of player known for his checking ability and work ethic; often associated with a player who is strong defensively, but who doesn’t score many points.)

Hard stick (When one player passes to another, the receiving player’s stick should “give” somewhat, just the way a baseball player draws back his hand slightly when he makes a catch. “Hard stick” means that the players receiving the pass is holding his stick so tightly and rigidly that it does not move back at all. That makes control of the puck difficult, and sometimes it bounces off the receiver’s stick blade.)

High sticking (Carrying the stick above the shoulder to use against the opponent.)

Hooking (Applying the blade of the stick to any part of an opponent’s body or stick and pulling or tugging with the stick in order to disrupt that opponent.)

Icing (An infraction called when a player shoots the puck from his side of the red line across the opponent’s goal line. Play is stopped when an opponent (other than the goalie) touches the puck. The face-off is held in the offending team’s end of the ice. A team that is shorthanded can ice the puck without being penalized.)

Kneeing (Using the knee in an effort to impede or foul an opponent.)

One-timer (Shooting the puck immediately upon receiving it without stopping it first. A one-timer is an effective way to beat the goalie before he can slide from one side of the crease to another.)

Penalty killing (When a team is shorthanded and attempts to prevent the opposition from scoring, this activity is known as “penalty killing.”

Penalty-killing unit (The group of players brought in by a shorthanded team in order to defend against a power play.)

Pipe-fitter Someone willing to plunge into the muck—do the dirty work.)

Poke check (Trying to knock the puck away from an opponent by stabbing at it with the blade of the stick.)

Possession of the puck (The last player or goalie to make contact with the puck is the one who has possession. This definition includes a puck that is deflected off a player or any part of his equipment.)

Pulling of the goalie (A team that is losing will sometimes take their own goalie off the ice and use another forward. This situation occurs most frequently near the end of the game when a team is behind and needs some emergency offense.)

Roughing (Punching or shoving an opponent. Roughing is illegal.)

Rubber or Frozen Rubber (Hockey puck.)

Shoot-out (Some minor and international leagues refine the overtime situation by having their teams play a five-minute sudden death period, and if no one scores, the game is decided by a shoot-out. Each team picks five players, and each one of them takes a penalty shot on the other team’s goalie, skating in by themselves with the puck from center ice and trying to score. Whichever team scores more wins.)

Sin Bin (Penalty box.)

Slap shot (A slap shot occurs when the player swings the stick back and then quickly forward, slapping the puck ahead with a forehand shot.)

Slashing (When a player swings the stick at an opponent. Slashing merits a penalty, whether contact is made or not. Tapping an opponent’s stick not slashing.)

Slot (The prime scoring area up the middle of the ice, between the face-off circles. When you “clear the slot,” you shove an opposing player out of the area in front of your goal.)

Smothering the puck (When a goalie or other players fall on the puck. Smothering is legal when done by the goalie or accidentally by another player.)

Sniper (A player who is a pure goal scorer and who doesn’t hit other players or the boards all that much.)

Solo dash (A one-man rush toward the goalie while is possession of the puck.)

Spearing (Poking or attempting to poke an opponent with the tip of the blade of the stick while holding the stick with one or both hands.)

Stick-handle (Moving the puck along the ice with the blade of the hockey stick.)

Three on two (When three attack players—usually the forwards—converge on the goal and only two defensive players are in position to stop them.)

Two on one (When two attack players converge on the goal and only one defensive player-the goalkeeper-is in position to stop them.)

And the #1 hockey term that sounds dirty, but isn’t…

Zamboni (The vehicle used to prepare the rink’s ice surface before the game and after each period. The Zamboni scrapes a thin layer off the ice, heats the ice, and puts down a fresh layer of heated water that freezes to form a new layer of ice.)